Updated Resume

So, today I was just thinking about my resume--my very impressive resume that I edited forever in college. I pride myself on my resume editing skills, you know. And I decided that my resume is seriously out of date. I thought of a few extra skills I should be adding--anyone else relate?? For instance:

• Proficient in book mending--many types from board books to pop-up varieties
• Expert bum and nose wiper (not in that order--that would be unsanitary of course)
• Fluent in English, baby cries, and speech hindered by impediments or half-chewed food
  
• Extensive training in nursing (breastfeeding) such that I can do any of the following activities at the same time: eat, read, play piano, wash dishes, talk on the phone, answer the door, and use the bathroom (this one not by choice).
  
• Ability to juggle phone calls, unloading dishwasher, homework, and piano practicing
• Puppet skills perfected beyond measure--including primary sharing time and multiplication tables, complete with puppet choreography
• Professional Steri-strip applier, including disinfectant and tear-free removal
• Laundry Speed: 5 Loads a day
• Diaper Changing Speed: 1 minute 10 seconds (time does not include hand washing which DOES occur)
• Capacity to Love: immeasurable