I Wish I Were Me

I've come to the realization that my young women leaders were right. Not in every aspect, as I still think wearing chiffon sleeves that show your underwear is tacky, but when they told me that no one has a perfect life, they were right. It took me fifteen years to believe them, but here I am; I have arrived at the realization that I wish I were me, and no one else.

In college, I went to nursing school with a pretty special group of (mostly) girls. They were talented, funny, cute, and of course, smart. I was awkward, boisterous (to say the least) but pretty good looking (if I do say so myself). But there was one girl who I wanted to be. Despite my young women leaders warnings, I so wanted to be her. She was tall, thin, SO thin and I knew she didn't have to work to be thin. She was SO smart, and full of laughter, fun, and sparkle. Her eyes were full of light, and she captivated every room she walked into. Seriously we all flocked around her, and her laugh was so contagious, I can still hear it clearly, and I graduated in 1999. I basked in her company when I could, and managed to make it through school as myself, captured a wonderful husband, and began on my own.

Four boys and ten years later, I found myself wondering why I had to be me. So many days are full of dishes, (both dirty AND broken), band-aids, crying, decisions (I HATE decisions), frustration, more decisions, vacuuming, broken crayons in the dryer, explosive sneezes (streams from both nostrils), bum-wiping, light sabers, man-made spiderwebs in the yard (climbing rope goes a long way) and a daily quota of quarreling and wrestling. We began to build a house and being one who hates decisions (I usually put them off until it's so late that one of my options has been eliminated so I don't have a choice anymore) I began to be a woman I refer to as "grouchy mom." I told my kids that "Grouchy Mom" comes out after 8 pm so if they don't want to see her, they'd better be gone before then. Some days, she arrived earlier, especially on days with too much sugar, or where the weather didn't allow any outside playtime.

Grouchy mom became intertwined with me for more time than she should have, and I found myself wishing for a break, and looking at others around me, wondering why they all seemed to have a better life than I was living. I saw a picture of my friend from nursing school. She was featured in the Friend magazine. Her dad had just been called to be a General Authority, and the family photo was included in his introduction page. She looked just as beautiful and amazing as ever, and it looked like at least two of the boys in the photo belonged to her, maybe three. I thought to myself that it would be funny if we both had boys, but she looked so put together, I was sure she was a better mom than I was. Better mom, better student, better person. Well, I was right. We got together at a dinner gathering. I have no doubts that she is a better person than I am. And she does have it all. She has cancer.

Alisa, my dear dear friend, if you're reading this, I hope that it doesn't make you upset. But I want you to know, that watching the way you live your life has made me want to live mine better. I don't know if you would want to trade places with me, but I doubt it. I think that I am just a little slow in learning that life is best lived if you live where you were placed in it. And where we were placed, all of us, is pretty dam good. I wish I were me.

Our precious son has turned ONE! I can hardly believe it. He is a joy--some of the things we like the best:

• He's said "Mama" since he was one month old. I think he is finally starting to understand what it means.
  
• He is always excited to see us (Mom and Dad) and USUALLY excited to see his brothers (depending on how much wrestling they have been subjecting him to)
• He has the most adorable smile in the world
• He sleeps through most nights (finally)
• Playing peek-a-boo
• He can climb ladders faster than his older brothers
• He loves to carry baskets around and fill them with things
• I love when he scrunches his nose up--haven't got it on camera yet
  
• Finally--he only throws Aaron's toothbrush in the toilet and leaves mine alone (although mine has been mysteriously missing for almost a week . . . . . . . . . )

I could hardly get any photos of him at ALL because he is SOOOO fast for a 1 year old!!!! Happy to be mobile. Thanks Rebecca for the bday hat idea. We made it that morning and the boys thought it was lots of fun!
Boys are lots of fun, but it is always fun to have a little one to cuddle as much as we want. We're thankful God sent him to us.

Birthday time again for both Joseph and Gideon this time at Grandma Carol's house with the Beutlers. The boys helped decorate the cake. Isn't it great???

Happy Birthday to our two July- born boys, Joseph and Gideon. We had a little help from Samuel on the candles. This is the celebration at Grandma Dona's house. Abigail was delighted for the company while her parents were in Alaska

Here is Our House

To those of you who keep asking to see our house but won't come up to see it, HERE IT IS!!!! Notice the bulldozer tracks in the front "yard." Sorry it took me so long to post pictures, but frankly, it took me that long to get the house clean enough to WANT to post pictures. Anyone else who takes 2 months to clean the house can call me friend!!!
This is the view from the front entry way. My mom and I spent 6 hours laying out the travertine tile border. I kept telling her how much fun it was, and I'm not sure if she was convinced. I really did have fun, but neither of us could straighten our knees for two days afterwards. The fireplace was done by my DEAR AMAZING TALENTED family. It is awesome, as are they!!


This is the great room/dining room/living room/kitchen. Loud, but lots of fun. Notice the fabulous wreath by my sister next to the fireplace. I have such an artistic family, I still don't know how I manged to get completely left out of the that loop!!
This is the kitchen--I LOVE all the cabinet space, and my massive island, and my countertops. I love it all, and I love to cook, so we're all good.
This is the family room/school room. I think I'll start calling it the Discovery Room. Nice ring? And then everyone will look at me all confused all the time. That's always fun. What you can't see is the trapdoor in the ceiling that leads in the Pirate Play room. The boys love it and Malachi can climb the ladder all by HIMSELF!!!
This is the hallway; the little door was my Dad's idea, and we really like it. It was worth all the flac from the builder! The white door is the laundry closet, and the brown big door is our bedroom.
I TOLD you we were going to have a urinal. Here is the boy's bathroom--the tile is going to be redone, but otherwise the bathroom has worked out well. Also included is a 4 1/2 foot tub (standard is 5 ft).
Here is the master bathroom. There is a reason the trash is in the tub and he has a name. What you can't see is the shower that we LOVE! Those of you who saw our last house and bathroom KNOW WHY!!!
You are now looking at the MUD room--a necessity!!! Can't tell you how much I love this room and love this room and love this room. . . . and the lockers! Housewarming gift from my parents. Love them too!!! (the parents more than the lockers though)
Last--here is the Southwest view--I took lots of pictures of views, but I like this one and am tired of posting. So enjoy. The jungle gym is on semi-permanent loan from my brother and his wife--they are sweet too. You're all sweet, and now you should come and visit us in real life!!!! Hope you enjoyed the tour. It took me an hour to fix the photos!!!

My Favorite Shoes

So I'm not a person who collects shoes. I wear shoes (mostly Chacos) when I'm going somewhere, and I DID spend $40 on a pair of Sunday shoes once. Otherwise, I get a new pair of running shoes annually, and throw away an old pair. BUT I have to say, that I found some shoes to go CRAZY over! While we were living in New Mexico, my dear friend Lore' Nygren showed me some of her AMAZING CREATIONS. I was in heaven. She makes the most adorable, exciting, funky shoes, and I love them. And I have four pairs of them. And they are girl shoes. And I have four boys. Ahh, the irony of it all. But for those of you who have girls (or wish to have girls), you too can ogle. Incidentally, I think the only reason I would WANT a girl is so I could put these shoes on her.