Being the (very) lucky mother of four boys, I am often amazed by the male fascination with weapons. Granted we expect it by adulthood, with male collections of swords and guns abounding in the beautiful state of Idaho (and Texas I've heard :-) As a relatively non-violent person myself, I didn't consider the part I would and must play in this male-weapon-dominant world.
First off, I was expected to decide whether my children would PLAY with weapons as wee ones. Well that was easy. I got them a toothbrush. Who knew that I was encouraging violence?! How dare I purchase such an vile receptacle for evil? (incidentally, ever notice that "vile" and "evil" are made of the same letters?) So I tried what I'd heard all good mothers try. "We don't use weapons to hurt other people. You can point that at the mirror, or the refrigerator." That seemed to work for a few seconds, but ultimately, either I ignored the rule breaking, or the weapons never made it out of exile for more than a few minutes. Then they resorted to using my chopsticks. A few weeks ago, my friend said she heard someone else using this same weapon management technique. The mom insisted that the children not hurt other people, and they could kill animals for food. Next thing she heard was the children, eagerly claiming, "Ok, I'm a bear!" "I'm a deer!" "You're a rabbit!" as they continued to aim their dangerous (plastic) weapons at each other.
After the beginning episodes of violence with a killer toothbrush, I resolved not to get my children weapons that would encourage any vile tendencies that may be lurking in their pre-programmed hunter minds. I asked Gideon what he wanted for Christmas. "A toy gun," he stated matter-of-factly. Sure that this was a planted answer, I asked, "What else?" He calmly and quickly piped, "A sword." I tried again, "What do you want that's not a weapon?" Here he paused and gave some serious reflection, and then said, in the same tone as before, "Um, a bat." I gave him cowboy boots.
It all lasted until the Christmas where loving friends and family made sure my boys received a cork-shooting pop gun, followed by a birthday complete with cap pistols and ammunition. Right there on the package it said "not for children under the age of 8" but somehow, my 6 and 4 year old figured out how to open the complex cardboard packaging. At first, I thought it was a conspiracy, and perhaps it really is, but I gave up.
So I have resigned myself to being the mother that gets judged for encouraging violence. It's true, I have now even purchased weapons myself. It was one of the happiest finds I have ever made. I was shopping at King's, and I found them, the most glorious invention in the weapon world, FOAM SWORDS! I bought three. Yesterday, I went back and bought four more. Oh happy day! They don't HURT but they still make a satisfying "Whap" when hit on the wall or other flat surface (such as the back of a small child). And I haven't regretted my purchases for one second. So there. And I'm not alone. A friend in New Mexico is SuperMom. She bought twenty and lets the neighbor kids play with them. She even gave me some, and I am trying to follow in her footsteps!
I did manage to mostly limit my children to assasinating family members and not pointing weapons at strangers. I recounted an episode (heard from my ever reliable older brother) about a policeman who ended up shooting a young boy who threatened him with an authentic-looking water pistol. That put Gideon into line. He left his cap pistol at home during a field trip to the police station, where he very gravely asked the officer on duty what would happen if he pointed a pretend sword at an officer. She spluttered for a moment, and finally looked at me for an explanation, which I gave, a trifle red in the face.
I'm amazed at how sensitive this issue can be. At a recent family gathering, my dear uncle pulled me aside after he had been "stabbed" twice with a homemade knife (duct tape and cardboard) and asked if I would like to know the weapon policy at their house. Always open minded, I said, "sure!" He proceeded to tell me how when his children were young, he promised them that if they wouldn't play with pretend guns, he would purchase them a pellet gun or a BB gun when they turned ten. Then they held target practice in the basement with foam targets (of course never shaped like a human). I thought this sounded great, and I told him so, (this was said in a NON sarcastic tone),
"Oh that sounds great. We don't usually play with guns at our house, we're mostly into swords. So would you recommend that we tell our children not to play with pretend swords until they are older, and then we could get them a real sword when they turn ten?" He was a little flustered, and said he didn't think that would apply in this situation!
Now, I would like to say, to all you moms out there who can teach your children that weapons are bad, and not to kill each other, I hold you in the highest regard. I also hope to be there someday, but right now, I have to say, I find that a little healthy swordplay goes a long way!
First off, I was expected to decide whether my children would PLAY with weapons as wee ones. Well that was easy. I got them a toothbrush. Who knew that I was encouraging violence?! How dare I purchase such an vile receptacle for evil? (incidentally, ever notice that "vile" and "evil" are made of the same letters?) So I tried what I'd heard all good mothers try. "We don't use weapons to hurt other people. You can point that at the mirror, or the refrigerator." That seemed to work for a few seconds, but ultimately, either I ignored the rule breaking, or the weapons never made it out of exile for more than a few minutes. Then they resorted to using my chopsticks. A few weeks ago, my friend said she heard someone else using this same weapon management technique. The mom insisted that the children not hurt other people, and they could kill animals for food. Next thing she heard was the children, eagerly claiming, "Ok, I'm a bear!" "I'm a deer!" "You're a rabbit!" as they continued to aim their dangerous (plastic) weapons at each other.
After the beginning episodes of violence with a killer toothbrush, I resolved not to get my children weapons that would encourage any vile tendencies that may be lurking in their pre-programmed hunter minds. I asked Gideon what he wanted for Christmas. "A toy gun," he stated matter-of-factly. Sure that this was a planted answer, I asked, "What else?" He calmly and quickly piped, "A sword." I tried again, "What do you want that's not a weapon?" Here he paused and gave some serious reflection, and then said, in the same tone as before, "Um, a bat." I gave him cowboy boots.
It all lasted until the Christmas where loving friends and family made sure my boys received a cork-shooting pop gun, followed by a birthday complete with cap pistols and ammunition. Right there on the package it said "not for children under the age of 8" but somehow, my 6 and 4 year old figured out how to open the complex cardboard packaging. At first, I thought it was a conspiracy, and perhaps it really is, but I gave up.
So I have resigned myself to being the mother that gets judged for encouraging violence. It's true, I have now even purchased weapons myself. It was one of the happiest finds I have ever made. I was shopping at King's, and I found them, the most glorious invention in the weapon world, FOAM SWORDS! I bought three. Yesterday, I went back and bought four more. Oh happy day! They don't HURT but they still make a satisfying "Whap" when hit on the wall or other flat surface (such as the back of a small child). And I haven't regretted my purchases for one second. So there. And I'm not alone. A friend in New Mexico is SuperMom. She bought twenty and lets the neighbor kids play with them. She even gave me some, and I am trying to follow in her footsteps!
I did manage to mostly limit my children to assasinating family members and not pointing weapons at strangers. I recounted an episode (heard from my ever reliable older brother) about a policeman who ended up shooting a young boy who threatened him with an authentic-looking water pistol. That put Gideon into line. He left his cap pistol at home during a field trip to the police station, where he very gravely asked the officer on duty what would happen if he pointed a pretend sword at an officer. She spluttered for a moment, and finally looked at me for an explanation, which I gave, a trifle red in the face.
I'm amazed at how sensitive this issue can be. At a recent family gathering, my dear uncle pulled me aside after he had been "stabbed" twice with a homemade knife (duct tape and cardboard) and asked if I would like to know the weapon policy at their house. Always open minded, I said, "sure!" He proceeded to tell me how when his children were young, he promised them that if they wouldn't play with pretend guns, he would purchase them a pellet gun or a BB gun when they turned ten. Then they held target practice in the basement with foam targets (of course never shaped like a human). I thought this sounded great, and I told him so, (this was said in a NON sarcastic tone),
"Oh that sounds great. We don't usually play with guns at our house, we're mostly into swords. So would you recommend that we tell our children not to play with pretend swords until they are older, and then we could get them a real sword when they turn ten?" He was a little flustered, and said he didn't think that would apply in this situation!
Now, I would like to say, to all you moms out there who can teach your children that weapons are bad, and not to kill each other, I hold you in the highest regard. I also hope to be there someday, but right now, I have to say, I find that a little healthy swordplay goes a long way!
