Overheard at Breakfast

Dad: In the scriptures, it says if your son ask for fish, what should you give him?
Gideon: A ROCK.
Joseph: Yeah, dad. That's what YOU'D give us. Hmmph
Dad: Shall I give you a serpent?
Samuel: Well, why should I ask for fish? Cause I don't even LIKE fish.

Our Breakfast Conversation (abridged)

Mom: For Father's Day, everyone needs to say one thing they like to do with Daddy.
Samuel: (hand raised) I like to play.
Mom: What do you like to play with Daddy?
Malachi: MEEEEEE!!!!(hand raised)
Samuel: It doesn't really matter. Just play.
Gideon: I like to burn weeds.
Joseph: I like to hunt snakes.
Malachi: MEEEEEE!!!!!! (hand raised)

Boy Quotes--Next Installment

Just in case you haven't had enough to laugh at lately--here is our latest installment of the things said around here worth repeating.

Aunt Mary: So Samuel, have you got a Valentine for your girlfriend?
Samuel: I don't have a girlfriend.
Aunt Mary: Oh, I see.
Samuel: I dumped her!
Aunt Mary: How do you know what dumping is? Did she cry when you dumped her?
Samuel: No. She doesn't even know dat I dumped her.
Aunt Mary: Well, you'd better wait to tell her until after Valentine's Day. She'll be expecting some flowers.
Samuel: I never told her she was my girlfriend!


Joseph: What is this?

Mom (brightly): It's called Dutch Oven Veggies!
Joseph: How come you put cabbage in it?

Mom: Well, I wanted to use it up.

Joseph:(after a pause) Mom, I'm just wondering. How come you keep buying cabbage and then you keep putting it in stuff so you can use it up? You could just stop buying the cabbage, you know.

Mom: Wow, just look at this floor! How do you think it got so messy?
Sam: Well, that's because you keep feeding us crummy food. And then we get crumbs all over.


Gideon:Don't worry. I've done this before. (removing a hot pan from the oven and carrying it to the table)

Joseph: Sam, will you STOP MAKING ALL THAT NOISE.
Mom: I couldn't hear anything.
Joseph: Well, I've been cleaning my ears out really well lately so I can hear all the noise that he is making.

Joseph: We come in peace. We brought you dinner.
Gideon: Oh! Dinner!

Gideon: I just passed gas again! (joyfully)
I LOVE gas!!!
It's so STINKY!!!!! (even more joyfully)


Mom: Gideon, what do the scriptures say will happen to the wicked?
Gideon: They will have eternal determination.

Mom: Wow, you boys are sure looking handsome!

Joseph: That's because we're boys.

Samuel: Mom, I've been thinking about collecting gum that's not already been chewed.

Joseph:Mom, are these corn dogs free ranged?

Cowboys and Milk

Today I am surrounded by cowboys. At first, there was just one, but the other potential wranglers realized how much fun they were missing, and as soon as breakfast was over, they changed out of their "I support Breastfeeding" t-shirts (which, incidentally, they plan to wear ONLY when we are going somewhere with a LOT of people) and came back in jeans and button-up plaid shirts. Except Sammy, he doesn't have any plain jeans, and he lamented, "My only jeans have pooh on dem and they're NOT just plain!" I informed him that most cowboys really wear Carharts and he put on his Carhart overalls. I know cowboys that wear Carharts, don't you? The overalls only lasted for 10 minutes, and then Sam was back in his indian costume so the cowboys would have someone to attack. But I am getting ahead of myself. The breakfast--you know, the one that inspired all the cowboys--well, here are only a few snatches of the dialogue that occurred. I wish I had a tape recorder on during breakfast--today was a riot.

Joe:What is this?
Cowboy Gid: Oh, that's cream cheese. It's purdy good. That's purdy much all we eat out west. 'Cept for cactus and jerky.
Joe: You eat cactus? They have that at Stokes! (our local grocery store)
Gid: Yep. I have to shoot out the spines with mah pistol. 'Cept I don't have a gun, so sometimes I hafta pull 'em out with mah hands.

Mom: What do you want to drink?
Gideon (to Joseph):What do cowboys drink?
Joe: Whiskey.
Gid: What else?
Dad: Coffee
Gid: Do they drink milk?
Joe: No
Dad: Yes they do! All the time, just not when they're on the trail.
Gid: I'll have water.

Cowboy Gid: I found the horse. It was stuck in a cactus.
Dad: Stuck in a cactus?
Gid: Yep. It had a name tag on it.
Dad: Oh? What was it's name?
Gid: (thinking) Bright Star
Dad:That's a nice name! I like it.
Gid: Well, I didn't name it. It was on the tag.

Dad: How many girls do ya have down there in the west?
Gid: Well, Four.
Dad: That's quite a few!
Gid: Soon I'm gonna have seven I think.

Gid: I'm the captain of all the cowboys. Pecos Bill is mah brother ya know.
Dad: What do you do when the coyotes come try to get your cattle?
Gid: We just have an electric fence. Every time the get close then, ZAP, they just get shocked to death. Then they're dead.
Joe: Do you ever find dead ones in the morning?
Gid: Yep. Every mornin'

Dad: What else do you do?
Gid: Well, when the cattle get sick we have to test their blood. We have a shotgun that has a big needle on the end. The needle sticks out. So then we poke it into the cattle and get a blood sample.
Dad: Oh.
Gid: And we can tell if they're sick. If the blood is yellow, then they're gonna die. If it's red, they're okay. And if it's green, they're half dead.

Dad:What do you do when they're sick?
Gid: We just take 'em to their mom, and she gives 'em some milk.
Dad: Does that work?
Gid: Yep! Every time. They just get a sip, and "Poof" they're all better!!
(disclaimer: I'm glad my kids think that mom milk fixes everything, but I do not follow the same practice as cowboy Gid's cows, even though my in-laws think I do :-)

Some Kids Are REALLY Talented!

I just wanted to tell you all, that some kids are SUPER talented. Some kids can magically eat cookies without even knowing it! That's talent, I tell you. BUT SOME KIDS can throw up in their SLEEP and not even wake up! THEN they sleep all night next to a pile of vomit, and awake in the morning, look at their bed and the floor, and say, "How did this get here?" Then you remind them of the previous day where the following dialogue occurred:

Talented One: Mom, if I drink milk, will it make me really strong?

Mom of Talented One (MOTO): Yes! Milk is really good for you.

Talented One: Can I have another glass? (drinks it quickly) I want to be strong!

MOTO: Here you go. Don't drink too much.

Talented One: (running around the room) Look! I'm running faster than I did before! I need to drink more milk so I'll be strong enough to beat up Paul!

MOTO: Okay, I think you've had enough!

And then, of course, you know the rest of the story. Oh wouldn't we all love to have a child so gifted. Oh, and did I mention, this child is mine! You already knew that, but see if you can guess which one!!! I need to go, I'd better finish cleaning up the side effects of being the MOTO.